Boundaries

 

Love with Limits

In all our relationships, from our most casual to our most intimate, we navigate boundaries. We make choices about our own behaviors, and which behaviors we allow from others. I do a lot of work with clients regarding understanding and setting good boundaries, and figuring out how to move forward when boundaries have been violated.

Good boundaries:

  • Provide a sense of safety—we are confident that our rights will be respected

  • Allow for connection—we feel close and present with the other person

  • Make us feel cared for—we sense the other person is concerned about and strives to meet our needs

  • Make us feel loved—we feel the other person hears and sees us for who we are

  • Allow for healthy conflict and disagreement

Bad boundaries:

  • Remove our sense of independence and autonomy—we may feel controlled or limited by the other person

  • Drive us to cater to another person at the expense of our own needs

  • Violate our sense of emotional and/or physical well-being

  • Force us to avoid conflict, for fear of upsetting the other person or us not being able to tolerate disagreement

  • Make us feel lonely—we feel the other person doesn’t understand or see us

  • Make us feel responsible for another person’s happiness

I work with individuals who struggle to set boundaries that protect themselves, or who are dealing with difficult or abusive relationships with intimate partners, family members, friends or colleagues.

Sometimes these relationships are difficult because the other person struggles with a substance abuse problem or a personality disorder, such as narcissistic personality disorder, or borderline personality disorder. Sometimes these relationships are difficult because we have failed to communicate and set boundaries around our own needs. Regardless, I help people heal from relationships in which their emotional and/or physical boundaries have been violated, and make choices about future interactions.

My role is not to tell you what to do with your relationship. My role is to give you the tools to decide what works for you and determine good boundaries for yourself. Please reach out if you are interested in doing this work together.